some of you might realize that I have deleted my previous post titled "I quit". While those who don't, don't worry, you didn't miss out much. It was just about me being despaired and going through a lot of depression.
"Life is too short to take it seriously" a quote that's obviously written on my blog header. I have to start believing what I say instead of just saying it for the sake of... SAYING IT with no meaning.
Today, in English class, Miss Sim gave us some questions regarding the passage that's been given to us. Besides that, she also asked us a question that was not on that piece of paper.
To make it easy, her question was, "How to survive a challenging time?" because the passage that she gave was about a family, stranded on an island or something and they survived.
What pushes them to have the willpower to survive?
The class filled with silence. We failed to answer. Then, she pointed out another question, "How do WE survive her English class?"
Some people were naturally quiet, she said. And yet, they have survived years in school without even talking much in the class.
She asked again, "What do you need to have in yourself to survive this English class?"
The classmates then pointed out random things that they know like, "willpower, physical strength, positive thinking, hand in works on time, etc."
It wasn't quite the answer.
After the whole 35 minutes of asking the class, she then told us the answer -- Be THICK-SKINNED.
That's all we need. We have to be thick-skinned. In order to survive in life, in school, we have to have the survival skill, which is to be thick-skinned.
"Do not be afraid of making mistakes," she said. "School is a place where you learn. A place where you make mistakes and learn from it."
To not make it sound so easy for her to say that, she added, "Even I did a lot of mistakes, and in fact I still do. Sometimes when I think of it, I wish I could be like an ostrich, just bury my head in the ground and hide my face," I could relate.
"But you have to lift up that head somehow, to breathe. You have to move on with life." she added, inspiring me to write this post today on my blog.
"You need to be thick-skinned in order to survive the world out there. It's a jungle out there and yes, maybe you can survive for eleven years in school without having to speak up, but life isn't about getting all A's. There is more to life than just getting good grades. You have to speak up, don't be afraid of making mistakes. That's how girls are. They are afraid of other people's thoughts."
"Life is too short to take it seriously" a quote that's obviously written on my blog header. I have to start believing what I say instead of just saying it for the sake of... SAYING IT with no meaning.
Today, in English class, Miss Sim gave us some questions regarding the passage that's been given to us. Besides that, she also asked us a question that was not on that piece of paper.
To make it easy, her question was, "How to survive a challenging time?" because the passage that she gave was about a family, stranded on an island or something and they survived.
What pushes them to have the willpower to survive?
The class filled with silence. We failed to answer. Then, she pointed out another question, "How do WE survive her English class?"
Some people were naturally quiet, she said. And yet, they have survived years in school without even talking much in the class.
She asked again, "What do you need to have in yourself to survive this English class?"
The classmates then pointed out random things that they know like, "willpower, physical strength, positive thinking, hand in works on time, etc."
It wasn't quite the answer.
After the whole 35 minutes of asking the class, she then told us the answer -- Be THICK-SKINNED.
That's all we need. We have to be thick-skinned. In order to survive in life, in school, we have to have the survival skill, which is to be thick-skinned.
"Do not be afraid of making mistakes," she said. "School is a place where you learn. A place where you make mistakes and learn from it."
To not make it sound so easy for her to say that, she added, "Even I did a lot of mistakes, and in fact I still do. Sometimes when I think of it, I wish I could be like an ostrich, just bury my head in the ground and hide my face," I could relate.
"But you have to lift up that head somehow, to breathe. You have to move on with life." she added, inspiring me to write this post today on my blog.
"You need to be thick-skinned in order to survive the world out there. It's a jungle out there and yes, maybe you can survive for eleven years in school without having to speak up, but life isn't about getting all A's. There is more to life than just getting good grades. You have to speak up, don't be afraid of making mistakes. That's how girls are. They are afraid of other people's thoughts."
Readers, yesterday I cried because I was seriously stressed out that my points or my speech for debate was a total zero. I read through my points to Ms. V, and she said I needed to go home and make a whole new thing. The competition is in less than 2 days, in fact it's less than ONE DAY.
Today, on my way to the library to practice debate, I stopped by at the Dataran and asked Sastika, my teammate, something about the debate lah. Then, Puan Jamuna, my English teacher when I was in form 1, who is also Sastika's mother came to me with a smile. She then gives her hand and shook mine. I was honestly clueless what that handshake was for, but then she told me she read my blog, which to my surprise, no teacher has ever read my blog. Damn, this is dangerous.
I kept that smile on my face, convincing her that I'm okay. She kept on saying, "You can do it-lah. Don't worry about what other people said. You are the best. You CAN do it." and for once, I actually believed in myself that I can.
I nodded and kept on smiling but I wasn't that strong. I burst into tears instead. People believed in me so much, that I feel I have failed them just by saying "I QUIT."
And today, it was a bit of a relief that all my teammates were there for the practice, plus the researchers and they are all so supportive. They were like, "Qai, we got your back!" And when I look at their faces, they believed in me so much. Jia Wei and Harpeven, also teammates, said, "You have it in you, Qai. It naturally comes."
All these things that happened today was brought down to one thing, "Screw Ms. V." Honestly, screw her. I know I'm not supposed to say that. I could be sued for saying that. But hey, no one can control what we think, right? And seriously, screw her, man. I realized that the only stress I have on me is HER, nothing else but HER. I always think of the better way I could improvise my speech that suits her liking, I always think of what she will say about what-she-said my terribly done speech. It's always about her, her and her, when from the beginning itself and until today, she keeps on saying, "It's your debate girls, it's not mine." Gosh, I typed that with her voice in my head.
Thank you to my fellow teammates who were there for me today to cheer me up and distract me from the stress I'm going through. Sastika had tried her best, honestly I tell you, she is the best among us and she did her best in helping me. Maybe it's just me who's not working hard enough. Or maybe it's just "Ms. V" who wants our debate to be a higher standard or what she calls, "MGS standard."
Dear readers, I know most of you are probably bored by now. But I was just trying to express myself that I was wrong. I said "I quit" when I was in despair. But today, God has shown to me that there is still a lot more for me to learn. God has given me two amazing teachers, Pn. Jamuna and Ms. Sim, who are so inspiring and supportive. God has shone down the light to these beautiful amazing helpful people I have in my team who is going to be there on the competition day to support me and my whole team."Never make a decision when you are angry, never make a promise when you are happy." I take back my words from yesterday's post.
And honestly, I think we have the chance to win. Harpeven asked me, "Do you want to win this? Or do you want to purposely lose this one?"
I've told her repeatedly that NOT WANTING TO WIN isn't something that we can simply say or do. Sometimes we have to think of other teammates who want to win. Yes, winning is good. And by winning means going up to the next level, and by that it means we have to go through the same depression. Frankly speaking, readers, I am not sure if I want to win. I want to win for the school, for my teammates, but when I think again, think of the stress cycle that is going to be repeated when we go for the next level, I just.....I'm blank.
What comes first? Myself, or the others? Am I being self-centered, readers? Winning is important for us, it makes us feel paid off for the efforts. But the stress, the homeworks and class works that I keep on missing(but still managed to finish it, btw), I just can't bare it anymore.
I guess it's a process of learning. Tears come, the pain stays. But I guess that's what I will learn. Miss Sim was indeed right, maybe I have to get out of that comfort zone, speak up, be thick-skinned, hold my head up high, be strong, and most importantly, DO NOT BE AFRAID OF MAKING MISTAKES.
Today, on my way to the library to practice debate, I stopped by at the Dataran and asked Sastika, my teammate, something about the debate lah. Then, Puan Jamuna, my English teacher when I was in form 1, who is also Sastika's mother came to me with a smile. She then gives her hand and shook mine. I was honestly clueless what that handshake was for, but then she told me she read my blog, which to my surprise, no teacher has ever read my blog. Damn, this is dangerous.
I kept that smile on my face, convincing her that I'm okay. She kept on saying, "You can do it-lah. Don't worry about what other people said. You are the best. You CAN do it." and for once, I actually believed in myself that I can.
I nodded and kept on smiling but I wasn't that strong. I burst into tears instead. People believed in me so much, that I feel I have failed them just by saying "I QUIT."
And today, it was a bit of a relief that all my teammates were there for the practice, plus the researchers and they are all so supportive. They were like, "Qai, we got your back!" And when I look at their faces, they believed in me so much. Jia Wei and Harpeven, also teammates, said, "You have it in you, Qai. It naturally comes."
All these things that happened today was brought down to one thing, "Screw Ms. V." Honestly, screw her. I know I'm not supposed to say that. I could be sued for saying that. But hey, no one can control what we think, right? And seriously, screw her, man. I realized that the only stress I have on me is HER, nothing else but HER. I always think of the better way I could improvise my speech that suits her liking, I always think of what she will say about what-she-said my terribly done speech. It's always about her, her and her, when from the beginning itself and until today, she keeps on saying, "It's your debate girls, it's not mine." Gosh, I typed that with her voice in my head.
Thank you to my fellow teammates who were there for me today to cheer me up and distract me from the stress I'm going through. Sastika had tried her best, honestly I tell you, she is the best among us and she did her best in helping me. Maybe it's just me who's not working hard enough. Or maybe it's just "Ms. V" who wants our debate to be a higher standard or what she calls, "MGS standard."
Dear readers, I know most of you are probably bored by now. But I was just trying to express myself that I was wrong. I said "I quit" when I was in despair. But today, God has shown to me that there is still a lot more for me to learn. God has given me two amazing teachers, Pn. Jamuna and Ms. Sim, who are so inspiring and supportive. God has shone down the light to these beautiful amazing helpful people I have in my team who is going to be there on the competition day to support me and my whole team."Never make a decision when you are angry, never make a promise when you are happy." I take back my words from yesterday's post.
And honestly, I think we have the chance to win. Harpeven asked me, "Do you want to win this? Or do you want to purposely lose this one?"
I've told her repeatedly that NOT WANTING TO WIN isn't something that we can simply say or do. Sometimes we have to think of other teammates who want to win. Yes, winning is good. And by winning means going up to the next level, and by that it means we have to go through the same depression. Frankly speaking, readers, I am not sure if I want to win. I want to win for the school, for my teammates, but when I think again, think of the stress cycle that is going to be repeated when we go for the next level, I just.....I'm blank.
What comes first? Myself, or the others? Am I being self-centered, readers? Winning is important for us, it makes us feel paid off for the efforts. But the stress, the homeworks and class works that I keep on missing(but still managed to finish it, btw), I just can't bare it anymore.
I guess it's a process of learning. Tears come, the pain stays. But I guess that's what I will learn. Miss Sim was indeed right, maybe I have to get out of that comfort zone, speak up, be thick-skinned, hold my head up high, be strong, and most importantly, DO NOT BE AFRAID OF MAKING MISTAKES.
2 comment(s):
Very inspiring. Thank you for sharing btw ;)
My English teacher, Ms. Sim, inspired me to write this post, God bless her :)
ps: we won the first round of debate ;)
Thanks for reading, anonymous! ;D
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